So! I've had three things in mind to blog about as of recent... but rather than post three separate blogs and be "that guy" (girl) I'll just write one really looong blog instead!
First and foremost, as many of you knew I have been an expectant mother for quite some time now. I was overdue and going into my 42nd week, and due to be induced on the morning of January 3rd. Luckily, or unluckily, I still can't really decide, it didn't happen that way, and instead my water broke at 8:30 in the morning on January 1st. Of COURSE, the one night I was up til 4AM... that's the perfect time for it to happen!!! FYI if you are ever pregnant or have a partner who is and things are just not moving along, have lots of sex. It actually works. Everyone will tell you to, even the doctor! and you are like yea, PFF, whatever. Maybe it was a coincidence! Or maybe not. Maybe it helps if your husband is drunk off his ass. TMI? You decide. I don't really care either way. We're all adults here. ANYWAYS. So my water breaks and at first I can't really tell WTF is going on. At first I thought I was peeing myself. Then I realized I never pee myself, especially 6 times in a row within 10 minutes. Then I had my first hint of a contraction, and it all made sense. Finally! Im going to have my baby today!!! Right?! Wrong.
I called the doctors and told them what's going on and they were like OK come in! I get there and they're all like OMG ARE YOU EXCITED?! And I was like:
So I come in and they make me get naked and then start poking and prodding me (I hate being poked by nurses and doctors). Little did I know, I was going to be in that room for the next 28 hours. Things weren't progressing quickly enough... I wasn't really dilating, contractions weren't coming on strong enough, So finally, at midnight, the doctor came in and they started inducing me to speed things up. Before all was said and done, as if labor was not enough I ended up with a 101 fever due to infection setting in because of how slowly bacon was happening. At one point they seriously were considering a c-section. But luckily, things picked up the pace. Finally after an epidural (most terrifying thing I've ever done but trust me... it's sooooooo worth it. I'm all for SCIENCE!) and then a second shot of epidural after the first one started failing a little...and many hours, which for some reason passed faster than any hours I've ever experienced, little Brianna Nicole Hammer was born. And she was (still is) perfect. Weighing in at 6lbs, 10oz, she was a petite thing (lucky for me, LOL).
Now let me just say, that because of this experience I have a new appreciation for WATER. I think only a mother can say how terrible it is, to labor like that, for so long, and the only thing you can have is shaved ice. Sure, shaved ice is the most delicious thing in the world at that point. But it's NOT the same as drinking water. All I wanted was water...
Anyways. Back to my daughter. You know, for a newborn, she is pretty damned cute if i don't say so myself. And this is coming from me, who, in all honesty, I think a lot of newborns look like a ball of hamburger. Cmon, we've all faked our way through that awkward moment where someone shows you their kid and you are like:
But then you are like:
"Oh, he's so cute!"
But no... not MY baby. She's cute. She MIGHT be the cutest thing in the world. I promise. See for yourself.
iHerp, I present to you, the future aSnakeLovinBabe. Hide your sons because she's not dating until she's 25.
Our two best friends also just had a little boy, so here are the proud dads, holding the wrong babies. Eddie is the one on the right. Many of you have seen him, half asleep behind my table at hamburg.
Recovery has been.... interesting. What I mean by that is it's a pretty unique thing to experience, when you simultaneously drop 30lbs and grow a set of colossal tits, all in one week. Damned things looked downright fake! I can already hear it... "pics or it didn't happen... tits or GTFO". Hahaha... NO. Moving forward. NOT that it was a bad thing... but really, I didn't need any more boob-age on top of what I've already had. It was just plain annoying and painful.
So anyways, now that I have melted all of your ice cold hearts with photos of Brianna... and maybe weirded you out with all the detail I've gone into. I'm going to change the subject. To.... elaphe carinata. Why? Because I really effing like them, that's why! How many of you keep these beasts? They are, by far, one of the most awesome snakes there is. They will not hesitate to mess your bacon up. They are giant, aspen flinging, loud hissing, face biting, rough scaled, evil-eyed bastards and that is why I love them. No one can give you the stink eye like a 7 foot long pissed off King Rat snake. The good news? I'm up to 5 of them now, including, my most recent, an adult female who is about to be chilled down, along with her future boyfriend (rapist?) Phoenix. I'm so freaking excited about this, for a few reasons. After i bought phoenix I was beginning to doubt adult females of this species existed. I was sitting on 3 adult males and NO adult girls... just a female I've been growing from hatchling. And if anyone has seen phoenix, well, let's just say he's STUNNING. He's got more yellow on him than black, and all I have is a baconty cell phone picture that does him no justice for now. If I was a snake, I would hit it, for sure. He already has his heart set on mating with the new female, but he's gonna have to wait until after brumation before he can get his 'penes wet.So now, here are said baconty cell phone pictures, for bacons and giggles I've included a picture of each of my 5 chinese indigos (that's my pet name for them)
Venus: full of piss and vinegar... this is by far the meanest one. Maybe she's just in need of a good romp.
Phoenix. This snake is too sexy for his skin.
Isis, this little girl is getting so big. *tear*. In fact... want to see something cool? Go to her page on my iHerp and look at her photos, you can actually see her going through the color change as time progresses! It's pretty damned nifty.
Midas. He's so calm and gentle. He takes his food so nicely. Not like the others, they are mucklucks, and snatch it.
And of course, Ra. Ra is very special to me. He's the reason I'm into carinata. I remember the day I saw Ra... I WAS NOT LEAVING that show without him. I had never even heard of a king rat before that show. Ra is ornery, but he tolerates me well. He even tolerates getting his picture taken with me. He has even been in my cleavage. We have a special bond.
Moving on.... This is the part of the blog I've dreaded writing. The day before yesterday, was a very sad day for me. That day I had to deal with the loss of Fluffy, my beloved rescued savannah monitor. I only had fluffy for a little over a year, and I'm sure the severe neglect he endured before his time with me ultimately did him in.... but I am glad I was able to make at least the last year of his life wonderful. Thanks to Fluffy, I am aware that even reptiles can learn to forgive and are willing to give second chances. A customer at work essentially dumped Fluffy on me. He was caked in this nasty, black filth, had a horrible laceration on his foot that was severely infected and the entire leg was three times it's normal size. Every toe Fluffy had was broken and disfigured. Why? His previous owners never thought to cut his nails or offer something to wear them down. They grew into massive spirals and made it impossible for him to walk on his feet normally. The tip of his tail was... scrunched? and kinked....Poor fluffy was also being kept in a 55 gallon tank. He was close to 3 feet long... you do the math there. It took a lot of work to get Fluffy healthy, let alone to get him to trust me. Would you trust me if I grabbed you, shoved your head in a towel and dug into your wound? Probably not. But eventually he did and it was marvelous. I am glad to have shared the love of a big fat monitor, however short the time was. In all seriousness, I knew that Fluffy would not have a lot of time due to his experiences... but it still hurt to find him curled up in the corner of his cage in that forever sleep. I'll miss you Fluffy... who am I going to feed the leftovers to now?
So.... anyways... those were the main points I wanted to cover. You guys had better read this bacon. It took forever to write!!! I'll throw in a couple more random pictures before I conclude.
Here is my male red bellied water snake. He is eating a chick. He eats two chicks and a mouse per feeding. or a half a pound of bluegills. These two will literally eat anything. They are so cool...
Here is the female. Lately, he's been humping on her. I'm hoping for some babies this year.
Lastly. Here's Bandit. bandit was my first snake... first love... still is. and he hasn't changed. He tries to eat me every. single. time. I open his tub. This snake loves me so freaking much he can't even control himself. HAHA!